Does your to-do list look something like this:
- Clean Garage
- Pick up Milk
- Break up Partner
Well ending a relationship is never really on your to-do list but it can be in the back of your mind for a very long time. Often we will stay in a relationship gone bad for a long time after it should have ended simply because it is easier than facing the break up.
Sometimes a break up is all fire and excitement, filled with broken dishes, hurled clothing, and slashed tires. other times, the relationship just seems to fade away until neither party even cares about each other.
What is the best way to end a relationship that will inflict the least amount of pain upon each other?
First you must understand the real reason you desire to end your partnership. Most of the time we have no idea why we are doing the things we do, we feel that our initial thoughts are the ones that are true. Often it is just a symptom of something that has been going on for a long time now. You must dig below the surface in our minds to know what is truly the problem. Then we will be able to have a long and honest conversation with our partner, we can really talk about the actual reason for our feelings then.
You need to schedule a good time for the two of you to talk. It is best to have a discussion in person when ending your relationship. Use the phone only if distance is a problem and it will be a long time before you can get together to discuss this face to face.
You need to be compassionate when you are ending your relationship, especially if you wish to remain friends after your break up. You will need to be understanding when they are asking you questions and do not become defensive. Your partner is likely to be very hurt and become emotional, don’t let the atmosphere become charged with energy that can’t be defused and causes them and you pain. Respond simply and honestly to the needs of your partner during this time.
Don’t take the things that your partner may say to you at this time personally, remember that they are most likely said in pain and frustration, they most likely do not really mean these things. Let those words pass and do not respond to the hurt and angry words. Assure them that you will cherish so many of the times that you shared together.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.
